I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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