When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
