the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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