I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
