I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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