I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
