Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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