I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
