So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
