you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
