After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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