I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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