Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I love you. Go after that dick
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
