Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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