I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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