just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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