I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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