I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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