Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
True strength comes from lack of pants
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
