I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
