he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
