'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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