Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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