I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
