His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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