Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
