She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize