Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
