new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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