They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
