how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
