3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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