Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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