someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
