All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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