3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
