Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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