I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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