youre lurking in front of me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
