she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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