yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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