Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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