It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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