when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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