how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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