How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i now understand why vodka
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
