i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
