I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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