i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
