Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I want to have your abortion
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
