When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
one two three fourrrrnication!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
