I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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