I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
