I feel like abortions should bother me more
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
