We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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