Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
