It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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