Apparently you make a good broom.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You may now shotgun with the bride
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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