Houston, we have a squirter
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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