If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
