You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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