I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
