Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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