question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
