youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
