do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
