so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
