ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
