I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
