Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
