ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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