remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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