Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize