I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
