dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
