When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
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