Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
