My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
