just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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