You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
