she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
