My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
