I think scott just propositioned me for sex
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
