those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
