So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
