Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
